


Happiness is a Butterfly

by CakeWalk



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Best Friends, Betrayal, Biracial Character, Canonical Character Death, Coffee Shops, Dark Past, Domestic Avengers, Drama & Romance, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Issues, Female Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Jessica Jones (TV) Spoilers, Marvel - Freeform, Mind Control, Parent Death, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 11:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20435603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeWalk/pseuds/CakeWalk
Summary: Jo Woodinville has lived an eventful past nine years. Between escaping the clutches of Kilgrave, watching her best friend die, being almost murdered by someone thought to be trusted, and then surviving the blip, Jo just wanted a boring life away from all the superhero drama. She never expected to be sucked back in when she meets Bucky Barnes in a coffee shop of all places. Jo contemplates her attraction to someone enhanced after fighting her way out of Kilgrave's mind control many years ago. Can she let the past die or will she forever be haunted by Kilgrave's memory?*Post-Avengers: Endgame and Post-Jessica Jones Season Three. This story is a crossover between Jessica Jones and Avengers. If you don't watch Jessica Jones then that's fine. I'll include some flashbacks from the first and third season but this story mainly focuses on Jo recovering from the events of the series.*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the characters in this story except for Jo Woodinville. Those rights belong to Marvel. This story also contains major spoilers for Jessica Jones Season Three. Again, I don't think you need to watch the show to read this story. I'll include flashbacks from time to time but this story mostly takes place nine years after the first season. It's just a story about recovering from trauma. I'd like to place trigger warnings for mentions of rape within this story. I won't go into detail but it'll be mentioned from time to time. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I can't believe I'm starting another story since I have so many in progress right now but I've always wanted to write a Bucky/OC fic and I've finally come up with the perfect idea. Please let me know what you think and leave a review. I'd really appreciate it.
> 
> Thank you.

_If he's a serial killer, then what's the worst_

_That can happen to a girl whose already hurt_

_I'm already hurt_

_If he's as bad as they say, then I guess I'm cursed_

_Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt_

_He's already hurt_

**-Lana Del Rey (Happiness is a Butterfly)**

* * *

_“Her name is Trish now. Call her Trish, Jessica.”_

_“Hi, Trish.”_

Jo Woodinville woke up from her nightmare gasping for air. Her eyes wildly searched the room as if _he _was there. As if he was in the room with her, whispering suggestions into her ear just like he used to. The brunette took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down and not have another panic attack.

“Chelsea Lane, Anderson Avenue, Crestview Drive,” Jo whispered, her voice trembling as she squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to will images from long ago out of her mind but it was never that simple. “Chelsea Lane, Anderson Avenue, Crestview Drive.”

It seemed silly that she was still having nightmares about something that happened nine years ago. Especially since the events surrounding the incident only lasted a few months at best. Jo should’ve moved on by now. She was twenty eight for Christ’s sake. She wasn’t nineteen anymore.

However, it became apparent to her that what happened all those years ago was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. It didn’t matter how old she was or if she had a good job now with financial security. None of that mattered because she could never change the past. No matter how her life turned out.

Jo’s hand reached for her phone on the bedside table. She didn’t want to do this. She wanted to be strong enough to be able to calm down from her nightmare like an adult and go back to bed but unfortunately Jo wasn’t that strong. The twenty eight-year-old needed help even though she hated asking for it.

The line only rang two times before someone picked up.

“Another nightmare, Jo?” The voice said on the other line and Jo sighed tiredly.

“Yes. Sorry to bother you if you were sleeping,” Jo said in a small voice.

“I don’t sleep much, Jo. You know that,” Said the voice before turning the conversation back over to her. “What was it about this time?”

“When Hope and I met him for the first time,” Jo explained, trying to keep her voice steady as she went back over the nightmare. “He took us to that hotel room and then made us pretend to be-“

“Me and Trish?” Jessica Jones guessed and Jo swallowed hard before nodding even though Jessica couldn’t see her. “You still seeing that therapist you told me about that makes you tap different parts of your body and chant some riddle.”

“You make it sound weirder than it is,” Jo told her, trying to contain a laugh and she could practically see Jessica raising an eyebrow at her in doubt.

“Yeah, right. You know it’s weird too,” Jessica told her. Jessica who thought all forms of therapy were a waste of time and money. The older woman had gone to therapy years ago but gave up after a couple sessions.

“Maybe but it’s better than just keeping it all inside,” Jo said sadly. She always tried to get Jessica to go to therapy but the woman was way too stubborn. “It’s what I’m supposed to do, right? Move on, get a life, and go to therapy. Those are all the right things to do. I just don’t know why none of it seems to be working.”

“That’s a question I don’t have the answer to. Maybe neither of us will ever have the answers to that question but taking it day by day helps,” Jessica said helpfully and Jo smiled.

“Maybe you should become a therapist,” Jo said jokingly although she only half joking. Honestly Jessica had helped her more than any therapist she ever had. Jessica had been her constant support system for the past nine years and Jo didn’t know what she would do without her.

Jessica was really the only person Jo had left in the world.

There was Mei, her best friend and roommate from college, but Mei didn’t understand what Jo went through. She tried to and she was always there for her but there were just things that Mei would never get. It didn’t help that Jo had been completely cut off from her family either. They hadn’t spoken in nine years when all the stuff with Kilgrave went down.

Jessica didn’t really have anyone other than Jo either. There was Malcolm who Jessica and Jo kept in contact with although he was very busy with his private investigation business these days after having taken over Alias Investigations from Jessica. Jeri Hogarth had died some number of years ago from ALS.

As for Trish…

Well, she was still imprisoned at Raft. She wasn’t allowed any human contact at Raft so Jessica hadn’t seen her since the day the helicopter transferred her five years ago. Jo hadn’t seen her former friend since the night the blonde dangled her from the roof of her apartment building by the collar of her t-shirt. She still had nightmares about that night too. The deranged look in Trish’s eyes, maddened by all the power she had, as she gave Jessica an ultimatum. Either let her go or Trish would drop her and they could both watch Jo’s brains splatter the sidewalk.

_“It’s your choice, Jessica. If Jo has to die for me to finish my job then so be it. It’ll be a sacrifice she’ll have to make just like Hope did.” _

“Yeah, I think you and I both know that I’d be the kind of therapist who gets arrested for malpractice,” Jessica told her, breaking Jo out of her flashback of that night. It was probably for the best too so that Jo didn’t start having another panic attack about yet another traumatic event in her life.

“Probably,” Jo admitted. “Sorry for calling again but I just need to make sure that it wasn’t real.”

“No, I get it,” Jessica said, always being comforting and reassuring. “Sometimes it feels too real to just be a dream.”

“Exactly,” Jo said before speaking in a more quiet voice. “I thought nine years would be long enough to forget him and everything else but I still can’t forget.”

“We’ll probably never forget either,” Jessica said quietly.

Sometimes Jo felt insignificant.

She felt insignificant because everyone had already long forgotten the events surrounding Kilgrave. A man who could control people’s minds and bend their will. A man who had controlled two young college girls enough to rape them repeatedly before making them murder their parents. A man who had been responsible for the death of a lot of people.

People cared for a few weeks.

They recoiled in horror and fear that a man able to make anyone do whatever he wanted, just with the sound of his voice, had been walking the streets aimlessly. They felt sympathy for Jo who had not only been raped but forced to murder her parents and then there was Hope Shlottman. Poor Hope Shlottman who went through the same things as Jo but who also sacrificed herself to help Jessica Jones put an end to the evil superhuman Kilgrave.

People talked about Kilgrave and the events surrounding him for some time. There were months where it felt like it was all people could talk about but then something else happened.

The incident with the Sokovia Accords and the Avengers' inevitable break-up. People tended to focus on that more or less.

Then the blip happened.

The universe was suddenly cut in two. 

There wasn’t a lot of people left to remember Hope or Kilgrave. Those that were still around had much more to worry about than something that happened years ago. Jo had survived the blip and so had Jessica. Jeri had survived and thought the universe even crueler than before. She died about a year after the blip with Jessica and Jo being the only ones who attended her funeral. Trish had survived too from her cell at Raft or so Jessica had said. The only ones in her small group of friends that hadn’t survived were Erik, Luke, Malcolm, and Gillian. She hadn’t been that close to them, only Malcolm, so it didn’t hurt as much as it would’ve.

Jo still had Jessica and Mei in the end and that was enough for her. She lost one of her older siblings in the blip which hurt but none of her siblings talked to her anymore anyways.

Not after she murdered their parents.

Kilgrave or not. She still murdered them.

Nowadays Kilgrave was entirely forgotten. Everyone was just happy that the world was finally back in order again. They didn’t have time to look back and reflect on a time in New York where everyone looked around in paranoia, fearing the moment a man would whisper a suggestion in their ear and they’d murder their parents just like Hope Shlottman and Josefina Woodinville did. In a way it was nice that Kilgrave was forgotten because that would’ve pissed him off more than anything. He hated being ignored.

However, it hurt that Hope had to be forgotten too.

No one remembered Hope anymore and that broke Jo’s heart more than anything.

“I’m going back to sleep,” Jo announced after taking a moment to push her thoughts to the back of her mind. “I should get a couple more hours of rest before I have to get ready for work.”

“Good idea,” Jessica told her. “You really need some rest. Call me again if you have another nightmare.”

“Thanks, Jessica,” Jo told her best friend and she really meant it too. Jessica had done so much for her. More than enough, actually. Jo used to believe that Jessica was only nice to her to help ease her conscience about Kilgrave and Hope but as time went on, she realized it was genuine sisterly love that kept Jessica around. It was nice since Jo’s real older sister hated her guts now. At least, Jo still had that big sister figure in her life.

“You don’t have to thank me, kid,” Jessica informed her and Jo allowed herself to laugh at that.

“I’ve told you a hundred times, Jess. I’m not a kid anymore,” Jo said, pretending to be annoyed with her friend. “I’m twenty eight. Almost thirty.”

“You’ll always be a kid to me,” Jessica said and Jo could almost hear the affection and warmth in her voice. It was a known fact that Jessica Jones was someone filled with cynicism and bitterness but she always had a soft spot for Josefina Woodinville.

“Goodnight, Jessica,” Jo told the woman sweetly with a smile on her lips. Jessica couldn’t help but respond and if you asked she would deny the fact that she was also smiling.

“Goodnight, kid.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Barnes reflects on the past year since the blip was reversed and heads towards a specific coffee shop with an agenda in mind. Jo Woodinville makes her usual stop for coffee before work.

Bucky Barnes waited patiently for his friend to catch up to him during their morning jog together. It was a routine for Bucky to start his day out with a jog. Usually Bucky liked jogging alone but after much badgering from Sam, he finally agreed to let the man join him. Although he never realized he’d have to wait forever until Sam caught up.

It had been just over a year since the blip was reversed and Bucky fully realized what a stupid sounding name “blip” was. It was almost like the name was trivializing the fact that billions had lost their lives and those who had suffered from those losses. Even so, the blip still felt odd to him. He could never quite get over the fact that he been in Wakanda in battle and then a couple minutes later he found out from M’Baku that it had been five years since that same battle. As if Bucky didn’t already have a lot on his mind already with the aftermath of the brainwashing.

Don’t get him wrong.

Shuri had long fixed his mind but that didn’t erase all the PTSD. It just erased all the trigger words placed in his head to send him in a homicidal rage. Bucky still long suffered from nightmares and the memories of all the bad things he had done in his time as the Winter Soldier. There was no escaping that.

Even years later.

It didn’t help that his best friend had left this life and returned back to their own time to live out a different life without him. Not that Bucky had any hard feelings about that but it hurt a little bit that the Steve he knew was gone. He still saw the older one but it wasn’t the same. The older Steve had lived an entire life without him and experienced different things that Bucky couldn’t understand. It wasn’t like Steve had abandoned him for a different life. 

_“Come back with me, Buck. We can go together. You can have a life too,” Steve told his best friend, his gaze soft as he looked back at Bucky with a hopeful look. “You can see your parents again and your sisters. You used to have so many girls after you back then. Maybe you can have a life with one of them. What do you think about it? Us watching our kids grow up together. Just like what we used to talk about when we were kids.”_

_Bucky smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. _

_They both knew deep down that Bucky could never go back to that life. He wasn’t the same person that he was back then. His parents and sisters would never recognize him. Bucky wanted them to remember him the way he was. Not the way he was now. _

_Steve, on the other hand, wasn’t damaged like him. Sure, Steve wasn’t the same either but he wasn’t beyond recognition like Bucky was. He could go back and live his life with Peggy Carter like he always wanted. Bucky couldn’t go back and live the life Steve wanted him to live. He didn’t belong there anymore. _

_There was no life to go back to. _

_No long lost love waiting for him. _

_Bucky knew that and so did Steve deep down._

_“I’m not the same person anymore, Steve,” Bucky told him and Steve gave him a sad smile._

_“Neither am I,” He replied and Bucky just shook his head._

_“You have a life back there. I don’t. Not anymore,” Bucky told him honestly even though it killed him to actually say this. “Go back to Peggy. Live your life and be happy. You deserve it.”_

_“Bucky, I can’t just-“ Steve started to say but Bucky stopped him before he could protest anymore. He placed a hand on his best friend’s shoulder and looked him deep in the eyes._

_“You don’t have to worry about me anymore, Steve,” Bucky said honestly. “I’ll be okay.”_

That happened just a couple weeks after everyone had returned from the blip. A part of Bucky was still devastated over the fact that he and Steve had only just been reunited before they were torn apart yet again. However, he knew letting Steve go was the right thing to do. The guy had always been head over heels in love with Peggy Carter and no amount of time or distance had healed him from the pain of missing out on a life with her. Bucky couldn’t deny him the chance of having that sort of peacefulness and happiness.

Not after everything Steve had done for him.

It’s not like Bucky lost him entirely. He still visited the older Steve all the time but as he said before, things were different now. This Steve had matured and grown up in ways Bucky had yet to comprehend. He had lived an entire life without him and Bucky was still trying to find a way to live his own life now that he wasn’t running from something anymore. There was also the fact that old Steve was even more annoying than regular Steve. The guy pestered Bucky about finding a girlfriend every time he visited.

_“Have you found yourself a girl yet, Buck?” Steve questioned Bucky who practically glowered at him. “I remember back in the day you used to go out with a different girl every weekend. You should really get back out there. You deserve some happiness for yourself.”_

Bucky was starting to think that Steve had turned into quite the ninny in his old age. No girl in her right mind would want anything to do with Bucky and it was true. No girl in her _right _mind would ever go out with him.

Deranged girls were a whole other story. 

Bucky occasionally received fanmail from crazy fangirls who were oddly turned on by Bucky’s dark and horrific past. Sam likened them to the same girls who married serial killers in prison which Bucky didn’t find amusing at all.

Speaking of which...

Bucky watched Sam jog over to him, red faced and his entire shirt drenched in sweat. The man was gasping for breath as he finally stopped in front of Bucky who just watched him silently, not a drop of sweat on him. Sam bent over, placing his hands on his knees, as he took a moment to catch his breath.

“Took you long enough. Grass grew quicker than the time it took you to catch up,” Bucky deadpanned as he gave his reluctant friend an unimpressed look. Sam glowered at the taller man as he finally caught his breath and stood up straight.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again,” Sam said, glaring at Bucky. “I really hate you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Bucky retorted before he started walking on the cement path through Central Park. Sam just shook his head in amusement before following his friend.

“Where are we going now?” Sam questioned.

“I want some coffee. There’s a place on Clarkson avenue that I go to,” Bucky said nonchalantly and Sam raised his eyebrows.

“Clarkson Avenue? That’s three blocks from here,” Sam remarked, wondering why the hell Bucky really wanted coffee right this instant yet was willing to wait and walk three blocks to get it. “There’s a Starbucks right across from where we’re at.”

“I don’t like Starbucks,” Bucky mumbled, a blush coming over his face. Sam gave his friend a strange look. He always thought Bucky was weird but he was acting even weirder than usual right now. “I shop local.”

Sam snorted.

“It sounds to me like you’ve been spending too much time with Banner,” Sam told him and Bucky just glared at him before looking straight ahead as he walked. It was clear to Sam that they were going to this out of the way coffee place no matter what and he was too tired to argue with Bucky anyways.

“Whatever,” The super soldier mumbled as they continued on their way. Sam just shook his head but followed him nonetheless. It was an odd dynamic with just him and Bucky now. They always had Steve in between them before but now it was just them. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Maybe, just maybe Sam was starting to tolerate Bucky Barnes.

Maybe. 

* * *

Jo made it her business to stop at Clarkson Avenue Coffee House every morning before work. She just needed a little to help to wake her up for another day of work. It’s not like her job was bad or anything. She actually quite liked her job despite Jessica saying how boring it was. Jo actually liked boring and it paid really well.

Jo worked as a medical billing and coding specialist for one of the best hospitals in Manhattan. She tried to explain to Jessica what she did for a living numerous times but to no avail. It didn’t matter to Jo since she liked her work.

She liked working in an office every day.

Jo felt like a productive member of society and her co-workers weren’t so bad either. They goofed off a little in between working at their desks and after everything with the blip, they had long forgotten that Jo was the college student that murdered her parents because Kilgrave made her do it. Everyone had a shit ton of baggage so hers didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Only with guys as it would seem.

“24 oz ice white chocolate mocha, double shot, and no whipped cream?” Daniel, the barista, asked her. Jo smiled warmly at him before nodding.

“You know me well,” Jo replied and Daniel gave her a knowing grin.

“You order the exact same thing every day, Jo,” Daniel told her and she playfully rolled her eyes.

“That’s not true. Sometimes I get the green apple Italian bull,” Jo retorted and Daniel laughed as he started on her order. “When I’m feeling spontaneous.”

“Right,” Daniel said as he started making her drink.

It wasn’t untrue about her always ordering the same thing. Jo had never been a lover of coffee. It had always been too bitter for her and that never changed even with her almost being thirty now. Jo liked the syrupy and high sugary goodness of her ice white chocolate mocha. Even when it was winter, Jo always ordered it. She liked to think that the sugary syrup in it helped keep her awake.

What Jo didn’t know as she chatted with the barista was that she had the full attention of a certain super soldier standing a couple people behind her in line.

This wasn’t the first time Bucky Barnes had noticed the beautiful young woman in scrubs. He started coming to this coffee shop a month and a half ago after becoming thirsty on a jog and walked in on the same sight. The same short woman in scrubs with long dark brown hair and big brown doe eyes. She had a kind smile and always made conversation with the barista. He assumed that she must’ve been a nurse or doctor because of the scrubs and the hospital ID card clipped to the front pocket of her shirt.

_Josefina Woodinville._

That’s what the ID card said anyways. Not that Bucky made it his business to know but he just had good eye sight. It wasn’t his fault if his eyes happened to get a glimpse of her ID card whenever she walked past him. Although…Jo seemed to be the name she went by. Or, at least, that’s what the barista called her whenever she came in.

“Here you go, Jo. Have a good day at work,” The barista told the brunette woman as he handed the drink to her. “Give that doctor hell for me.”

“Yeah, right. See you tomorrow, Daniel,” Jo said to him as she gave him one last smile before taking her coffee and leaving. Bucky froze as she walked towards him, giving him a small and polite smile as she walked past him and out the door. A blush came across his face and this was something that didn’t escape Sam’s notice.

“Good coffee, huh?” Sam inquired, giving his friend a knowing look. Bucky clenched his jaw and glared at him. It was clear he didn’t like being called out on his shit but that didn’t stop Sam from doing it. “She’s cute.”

“Just shut up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo muses over the hot jogger guy she sees in her favorite coffee shop before reflecting on the past nine years. She then pays a visit to her therapist where she remembers the night Kilgrave came into her life and changed it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I in no way own the song 'Bitch Better Have My Money' by Rihanna. I just decided to use it in this chapter because it seemed to fit the atmosphere of a nightclub in 2015.

Jo would be lying if she said she never noticed the hot jogging guy at Clarkson’s every morning.

It was hard not to notice him. He was completely gorgeous with his pale blue eyes, long brunette locks pulled into a man bun Jo was weirdly attracted to, strong jawline, tall height, and muscular build. Hot jogger guy looked like something out of one of those corny stupid vampire novels she read as a teenager when she fantasized about some mysterious guy coming into town and sweeping her off her feet.

That was a different Jo.

A Jo from a long time ago.

She wasn’t the same naïve girl from Nebraska anymore despite what Jessica always said about her. The dark haired woman always liked to think that Jo was incapable of making her own decisions or that she was even able to protect herself. Which was why Jo never bothered introducing guys to Jessica. Her friend would only show up on dates and threaten the poor guy which would immediately make any guy run for the hills.

Not to mention the amount of times Jessica would dig up dirt on any guy she went out with. Jo would never admit this but she was kind of grateful for the background checks Jessica did on the guys Jo went out with. She managed to out some real creeps. Some of which were obsessed with her past involving Kilgrave. One of them even promised to always protect her…by chaining her up in their basement and never letting her out. Jessica managed to beat the shit out of that guy and send him running off into the night with a broken nose and some fractured ribs.

That was a few months ago and Jo was honestly too terrified to go on another date. She was sure that made Jessica happy because it also meant not having to save her from creepy assholes or just plain assholes. Those were Jessica’s words, not hers. According to Jessica, Jo needed protecting from her own vagina.

Whatever the hell that meant.

Jo just knew that it was okay to appreciate hot jogger guy because it didn’t really have to mean anything. Like she said before, she wasn’t the naïve Nebraska farm girl she used to be. Jo knew when a guy looked her way and she had to admit she was flattered by his lingering gaze and his blush whenever she smiled at him. He still looked at her like that even considering the fact that she was wearing scrubs which was something in itself.

It’s not like Jo was hopeful about guys these days anyways.

If they weren’t a little _too_ interested in the Kilgrave thing, they became freaked out when Jo told them the truth about her past. Not because things were getting too serious and she wanted to be honest. Jo just thought it would be fair to both herself and the guy if she disclosed her past before things got too serious and they both got their feelings hurt. Funnily enough, every single guy immediately stopped calling after she told them about Kilgrave.

There was really just no good way to drop that bomb on them. Not that early in a relationship anyways.

_“Hi, we’ve only gone out twice but I just thought I’d let you know about something that happened to my childhood best friend and I when we were in college.”_

_“We met this weird English guy in a nightclub and he told us to go home with him and we did. Turns out he was an enhanced with mind control powers. It’s kind of a funny story if you must know.”_

_“He raped us repeatedly and then made us do things to each other for a month before he finally told us to murder our parents in an elevator shaft and we did.”_

_“We were then imprisoned for a couple months for murdering our parents even though Kilgrave told us to do it and when we finally were found innocent, thanks in large part to Kilgrave himself, my best friend stabbed herself in the throat as the ultimate sacrifice.” _

_“So how about that next date?”_

So maybe Jo didn't exactly get to the point like that but as soon as she started talking about a guy with mind control powers, murdering her parents, and being imprisoned, her date would quickly try to find a way to get himself out of the situation. A waitress at a restaurant once embarrassingly enough informed Jo that her date was sneaking out through the window of the bathroom. It was enough to say that Jo had truly given up on the dating thing. Maybe Jessica had it right with keeping people at a distance.

If Jo was being honest she was still scared of intimacy. Kilgrave had died almost ten years ago but he still left an impact on her life. Jo honestly doubted she would ever have a functional relationship after what Kilgrave did. She never trusted anyone except for Jessica. Maybe Mei too but that was honestly it.

She was terrified of falling asleep next to someone and then waking up without her free will. She was terrified of smiling for so long that the muscles in her face ached just like it used to when Kilgrave used to tell her to smile. She was terrified of wanting someone but not being completely sure if it was because she wanted them or that she was told to want them. Most of all, she was terrified of submitting to someone and the familiar obedience coming back over her.

There would be nothing she could do to stop it.

Jo blinked a couple times as she tried to put those memories to rest. It was best not to delve too deep into past while at work. She didn’t want to have a panic attack at work. She just needed to focus on her work and then she could go to her therapist’s office for her much needed scheduled appointment.

“Jo, look at Chad,” Kaitlyn, her goofy and ridiculous co-worker, said from her desk across the aisle from her. Jo turned her attention to the other brunette who was grinning at her as she pointed at her new screensaver. A picture of a gray colored kitten nibbling on Kaitlyn’s eyelashes. “He was totally trying to eat my eyelashes last night. Fucking Chad, right?”

“Yeah…that Chad,” Jo mumbled, not knowing how else to respond to her co-worker’s weirdness. Despite how annoying the younger woman could be, Jo kind of appreciated Kaitlyn’s obnoxious and loud behavior. It was a welcomed distraction from Jo’s inner turmoil.

“Don’t use that tone with me, Woodinville,” Kaitlyn retorted, smirking at the shy and quiet woman.

“Sorry, I just don’t know who names their cat Chad. That’s the name of a rich white frat guy from the nineties who hangs out at the food court in the mall,” Jo quipped and Kaitlyn just grinned at her, amused by Jo’s sass. She always liked getting a rise out of her co-worker but only in which a friend would.

“Jo, you fucking bitch,” Kaitlyn said before returning her attention to her computer screen and resuming her work. Jo just smiled to herself as she also returned her attention to her work. She would never get over her co-worker’s craziness.

For some reason her mind then drifted back to hot jogger guy. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she had seen him every single day for the past month and a half. 

Jo knew she could appreciate hot jogger guy during their morning run-in’s at Jo’s favorite coffee shop but nothing more. Appreciating an attractive man was a lot different than actually talking to him. Jo was much more comfortable with knowing him as hot jogger guy and not knowing his actual name.

The short brunette peeked at Kaitlyn from the corner of her eye. Her co-worker always liked to gossip about cute guys at work or all the Tinder dates she went on. Jo never usually had anything to talk about but she decided to keep hot jogger guy to herself.

It’s not like there was anything to tell anyways.

She didn’t even know him.

* * *

“I want you to remember a safe place,” Jo’s therapist told her. Dr. Alvarez who had been recommended to her by Jessica. Not that Jessica had a lot of “shrinks” as she called them. She just happened to have a list of them from when Trish tried to get her to see a therapist.

When Trish was still around and not in prison at Raft.

“My childhood bedroom,” Jo murmured as she remained lying on the couch with her eyes closed.

“What do you see?” Dr. Alvarez asked her. Jo bit her lip as she tried picture her childhood bedroom in Omaha. Jo hadn’t lived in the city. She was from the outskirts of Omaha. It was mostly just farmland where she and Hope grew up. It’s not like they were from the middle of nowhere. There was a Costco and a Target where they lived which in Nebraska meant that you were a city girl.

“My parent’s farm house. It was old. My great grandfather bought it just before the depression. The floor boards in my room creaked with every step I took. It made it nearly impossible to sneak out to parties in high school,” Jo informed her therapist. “The wallpaper was old and peeling. It was really ugly with frilly pink roses so Hope and I covered it with posters of Taylor Lautner when we were thirteen. We were Team Jacob.”

“Do you see your bed in your room?” Dr. Alvarez asked her and Jo nodded without opening her eyes.

“I’m in it. I’m lying under the quilt my abuela, my mother’s mom, made me for my tenth birthday. It was a Care Bear quilt,” Jo explained and Dr. Alvarez nodded even though Jo couldn’t see her.

“How did you feel about the quilt when you got it?” Dr. Alvarez questioned and Jo swallowed hard before answering.

“I was embarrassed by it at first. I opened it in front of all my friends and they laughed because Care Bears were for babies,” Jo informed the therapist. “I hurt my grandmother’s feelings and my parents got mad at me. My mom cursed at me in Spanish before forcing me to apologize to her.”

“Did Hope laugh at you because of the blanket?” Dr. Alvarez asked her and Jo shook her head before smiling at the memory.

“No. She yelled at all the other kids and declared her love for all things Care Bear,” Jo said, remembering how simple everything had been back then. Nothing ever happened in Omaha. Hope and her were safe there. There wasn’t a day that passed by that Jo didn’t regret her and Hope leaving Nebraska.

Going to New York was the biggest mistake she ever made.

Yet she still lived there even nine years later because she didn't have anywhere else to go.

“Okay, now it’s nighttime in Nebraska. Your bedroom is dark and you just woke up,” Dr. Alvarez told her and Jo furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to picture the darkness. “You open your eyes and I just want you to imagine a door.”

“Like my closet door?” She asked.

“Sure,” Dr. Alvarez told her as she continued to guide Jo through her memory retrieval therapy. There was just some memories that Jo’s mind suppressed because of all the trauma. Dr. Alvarez seemed to believe that the reason behind her frequent nightmares was that Jo’s mind fought to keep those memories suppressed. Now the memories seemed to be coming back up to the surface. If they could retrieve these traumatic memories in a safe and healthy environment like Dr. Alvarez’s office then maybe it would help Jo heal and she could finally move on. “Now I want you to get up from your bed and walk to the closet door. You’re going open it and walk in.”

“I don’t think I want to,” Jo said, her voice starting to tremble as her fingernails dug into the skin of her wrist. “I don’t want to see what’s behind the door.”

“I know you don’t but I still want you to be brave for me and do it, Jo,” Dr. Alvarez said calmly and Jo bit her lip. “Are you in front of the door now?”

“Yes,” Jo bit out and Dr. Alvarez continued.

“Open the door.”

Instead of arguing with her therapist this time, she obeyed the older woman’s request.

Jo opened the door.

_“I can’t believe they let us in, Jo,” Hope Shlottman said excitedly as she and Jo hung out by the bar of the nightclub they had somehow managed to get into. A friend of theirs from their English 101 class informed them that if you dressed hot enough then the bouncers would let you into any club in the city. _

_So Hope and Jo used the credit cards their parents got them to buy themselves dresses. They were raised to be smart with their money so they didn’t spend a whole lot. They just went to Forever 21 and bought the shortest dresses they could find. Hope bought a skin tight navy blue dress that went down to her mid thighs, showcasing her long legs, and was covered in eye catching sequins. Jo bought a gorgeous red dress with a neckline that showed off her ample cleavage and a billowing short a-line skirt. The dresses were probably the most revealing article of clothing that either midwestern girl owned. _

_Hope and Jo’s families were both fairly conservative. _

_If their parents saw the way they were dressed now, they’d probably have a heart attack. Forgetting the fact that Hope and Jo had managed to sneak into a night club and were partaking in underage drinking. The two girls had been sheltered for their whole lives and now that they were in New York, they finally got the bit of freedom they always wanted. Jo had really been taking advantage of her newfound freedom these past few months and had finally convinced Hope to join in on the fun._

_Besides…midterms were coming up and they deserved to have a bit of harmless fun._

_Jo and Hope weren’t stupid either. They knew to stick close to each other’s sides and never leave their drinks unattended. They were a couple of midwestern girls from farmland but they still watched dateline where they were from. Jo and Hope knew better than to assume that there wasn’t a bunch of creeps that infested the city who were just waiting for the chance to put something in their drinks and take them home. _

_If only it were that simple._

_“Ashley was right about dressing up. They just let us right in. No questions asked,” Jo said as she and Hope had fun on the dance floor, dancing but more like grinding to ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’. They maybe were or weren’t a couple Strawberry Daiquiris in so they were also singing along to the song. Hope and Jo had just gone to a Rihanna concert last week so they were still high off Rihanna’s concert vibes. _

_“Turn up to Rihanna while the whole club fucking wasted!” The two nineteen-year-old girls screamed over the loud music pulsing through the club. “Every time I drop, I am the only thing y’all playing. In a drop top, doin’ hundred, y’all, in my review mirror racing.”_

_“Louis 13 and it’s all on me, you just bought a shot,” They continued to scream as they danced together. They captured the attention of several guys in the club but Hope and Jo weren’t interested in any guys tonight. All they wanted was to have fun and dance the night away. They were young and just kids. Fun was their priority. “Kamikaze if you think that you gonna knock me off the top. Shit, your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car.”_

_“Don’t act like you forgot. I call the shot, shot, shots. Like blah blah blah,” They two friends sang loudly and horribly as they erupted into giggles. “Pay me what you owe me. Don’t act like you forgot.”_

_“Bitch, better have my money!” They shouted before Hope tripped accidentally, not used to wearing heels but it was okay. It was okay because Jo caught her just like she always did. _

_“Fuck, Hope,” Jo said through her and Hope’s giggles. “Are you okay?”_

_“Yup,” Hope confirmed as she gave her best friend a smirk. “Just a bit tipsy.”_

_“Tipsy?” Jo questioned doubtfully as she helped her friend stand up straight. “You’re hammered, Hope.”_

_“Shut up, Jojo!” Hope said, giggling almost deliriously. Jo laughed with her._

_“Well, aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes,” A distinctly British accented voice said. The two girls paused in their fun to look up at the man in question. _

_The first thing Jo remembered noticing about Kilgrave when she saw him for the first time was that he was very tall and a lot older. Probably close to forty. His tall height was notable because he towered over both her and Hope even though they were wearing heels. He wasn’t muscular or anything. Just very tall and lanky but he dressed very well. He dressed better than any man Jo had ever met._

_“You two look like you’re having the time of your lives,” The man said with an amused smile on his face. Jo didn’t know what it was about him but there was something about the man that demanded your attention. She didn’t understand it at first. He wasn’t particularly attractive. Maybe if you were into the British college professor thing but Jo wasn’t. Especially with how dark and intense this guy’s eyes were. It was a bit creepy to say the least._

_What neither girl knew was the fact that this man had followed them to this club. He actually had them followed by his little “spies” all week after reading a news article about Hope Shlottman’s accomplishments with track and field. Back in Nebraska, she was number two in the state for long jumping. It didn’t help that after looking into her social media history, a certain dark haired girl kept popping up quite a bit. _

_They were quite the pair._

_A blonde and a girl with hair almost as dark as Jessica’s._

_They resembled Jessica Jones and her best friend Trish Walker much to Kilgrave’s delight. _

_“We’re just having some fun after studying for midterms,” Jo explained with a giggle. Usually she would’ve told him to get lost but she was pretty tipsy after all the strawberry daiquiris she and Hope drank._

_“You like having fun a lot?” Kilgrave asked her with a smirk. His eyes raked over her body as he picked out all the differences between her and Jessica. Her hair wasn’t black like Jessica’s. Just a very dark brown that almost appeared black depending on which light she was standing under. Her eyes were bigger and perhaps more rounder than Jessica’s while being a much more warm looking brown than Jessica’s too. Her skin was nowhere near as pale as Jessica’s and was naturally tanned. She was also a lot shorter than Jessica and far more curvier with a significantly larger chest size. _

_Kilgrave was initially drawn to the brunette because of her drinking problem as well as occasional recreational drug use. He thought her drinking made her like Jessica. However, he was disappointed to learn that drinking and drugs weren’t her problem. Partying was more of Josefina Woodinville’s problem. She went out to frat parties a few times a week and always showed up hungover for classes. _

_Josefina was the clichéd party girl. _

_A bit on the popular side too._

_She actually had it made her whole entire life._

_Captain of the cheerleading team in high school, homecoming queen, prom queen, and head of prom committee. Everyone loved her and her popularity seemed to have followed her to NYU where she got in on a cheerleading scholarship. It was clear the teenage girl was just at NYU to party. Communications major seemed to be code for college partying. Kilgrave thought she was naughty for being the party girl. For dragging her innocent, goody two shoes friend into trouble._

_Maybe she was more like Jessica than he originally thought. _

_“I love having fun,” Jo couldn’t help but tell him. Kilgrave’s grin widened._

_“Good,” Kilgrave said in satisfaction. “Because I know a place where we can all have a lot of fun. You, me, and Hope. How does that sound?”_

_“How do you know our names? We didn’t tell you,” Hope said in a drunken confusion. Kilgrave’s grin was unwavering._

_“It doesn’t matter,” Kilgrave told her. Hope just smiled._

_“It doesn’t matter,” She repeated and Jo gave her friend a confused look before looking back at the tall man. An annoyed look crossed his face in that moment before he turned around and looked over the crowd of people in the club._

_“Turn that blasted music off!” He screamed, the kind look on his face now gone and replaced with a furious one. Both Hope and Jo shrank back in both alarm and fear. “I cannot think with that god damn racket in my ears!” _

_Everyone in the club stared at him before the DJ cut the music upon request. Rihanna’s voice disappeared and the club was left in a deafening silence. Everyone in the club just stood there awkwardly without any music to get them dancing but Kilgrave didn’t care. Kilgrave turned to face them, looking a lot calmer than he had a moment before._

_“Sorry about that, ladies. Sometimes I lose my temper,” He apologized but Jo could tell he didn’t mean it. He reminded her of her high school boyfriend in that moment. Chris used to apologize too but he never meant it. “Now what do you say about leaving this wretched place and coming with me? Room service all night. You can order whatever your pure little hearts desire.”_

_“We don’t know you,” Jo told him, suddenly sobering up quite a bit. “Why would we go home with you? We don’t even know your name.”_

_“It’s Kilgrave, love,” Kilgrave told her and Jo immediately let out a giggle. Even though he smiled at her, there was an anger in his eyes that started forming. An anger that was threatening to bubble up to the surface but Kilgrave swallowed his rage and smiled kindly at her. _

_“You think my name’s funny?” Kilgrave questioned and Jo nodded although she suddenly felt unable to keep her giggling under control. Hope giggled with her. _

_“Well, it’s not so stop laughing!” Kilgrave said furiously and both Jo and Hope immediately ceased their laughing. Kilgrave took a deep breath before calming down and giving the girls another smile. “You girls really know how to test me. Just like Jessica did.”_

_“Who’s Jessica?” Jo asked quietly but she went ignored by Kilgrave._

_“Now we’re all going to leave this club and go back to my hotel where we’ll make love until the sun comes up. You two would really like that,” Kilgrave told them, his voice more commanding this time around. Jo wanted to say no. She wanted to tell this man to fuck off, take Hope by the hand, and run as far as they could away from him. But then her mouth started moving before her brain could seem to work. The words she wanted to say were pushed to the back of her mind and Jo found herself giving in to the man for no reason at all._

_“I’d really like that,” Jo said much to her surprise. _

_“I’d really like that too,” Hope told him and Kilgrave’s grin widened, a delighted look on his face._

_“Good. Now link your arms through mine and we’ll go,” Kilgrave told them and both Hope and Jo did so without the slightest bit of protest. Something in back of Jo’s mind screamed at her not to leave with him but Jo couldn’t explain it. Suddenly leaving with this man was the only thing she wanted to do. _

_There wasn’t anything else to do aside from what he told her. _

"No! Stop it! I don’t want to go there! I don’t want to go to the hotel!” Jo screamed as she thrashed against the couch in her therapist’s office. Memories of that night. Of the things Kilgrave made her do, not just to himself but to Hope, filled her mind. She didn’t want to remember those things. She didn’t want to remember Hope like that. “Don’t make me go!”

“Jo, relax. You’re not going to the hotel. You’re here in my office,” Dr. Alvarez said as she tried soothe the young woman. She placed her hands on the woman’s arms to try and calm her down. This wasn’t the first time things got a bit out of hand during Jo’s therapy sessions. This was to be expected. “You’re safe.”

Jo’s eyes shot open as she then began to frantically searched around the room, expecting to see Kilgrave standing there watching her. He would watch her with that delighted little smirk of his, an amused look in eyes. He always made Jo feel like a child when he looked at her like that.

_“Josefina, you silly girl. You can’t escape me,” _He’d whisper into her ear just like he used to many years ago. _“You’ll never escape me. You know that deep down too. I’ll always be here with you…even in death.”_

“Chelsea Lane, Anderson Avenue, Crestview Drive,” Jo started to say as she squeezed her eyes shut and began to shut him out. “Chelsea Lane, Anderson Avenue, Crestview Drive.”

_“You, me, and Hope,” _Kilgrave whispered and she squeezed her eyes shut even tighter as she kept repeating the same words over and over again. She would say those words until she didn’t hear him anymore. It might take a while but it would be worth it.

“Chelsea Lane, Anderson Avenue, Crestview Drive.”


End file.
